Thu
Mar
09
2006
Sexuality, Solomon and Society
At church we are about to start a five week series of Bible Talks called “Matters of the heart”. It’s mainly a topical series dealing with issues like: singleness, dating, marriage and divorce. but we kick things off with a look at the Song of Songs. Song of Songs is a little-read O.T. book that speaks powerfully and passionately of the love between a man and women.
Big deal. Mills & Boon does that, I hear you say. Well, maybe, but the difference with the Song of Songs is that the man and the women who ‘speak’ through its words are living their relationship out in the bigger context of their relationship with God. They are passionate, yes. But passionate and exclusive! Two people, deeply, powerfully in love, but living that out in the exclusive relationship of a monogamous marriage.
And lest you think that most people of their time did that – think again. There’s a theory that the book is a bit of a dig at Israel’s King Solomon. He’s the bloke who had 700 wives, plus a bunch of concubines. And his marriages to foreign women were to be his downfall, as he drifted from his relationship to the one true God in favour of the false gods of his foreign wives.
It’s hard to realise how much in our culture today stands in opposition to the qualities of commitment and exclusivity displayed in the Song of Songs. The confusion in peoples minds between love and sex. The promotion of sex as just another recreational activity. The acceptance that the goal of relationships is self-satisfaction, and if you don’t get that with one person, you just move onto the next sucker.
We are selling ourselves badly and sadly short.
My guess is that one day, our society will swing back in the direction of a biblical style of relationships, but I’m not holding my breath. I am however, deeply grateful to my loving and patient wife with whom I enjoy a deep, loving and exclusive relationship that will outlast all the whims and stupidity of the society around us.
Of course, there are other aspects to the Song of Songs – like the analogy it gives us for our relationship with God – but more on that in the SNC talk…
Comment
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I think it’s great that we’re doing a sermon on Song of Songs. A lot of Christians I know express reluctance to really investigate (let alone read!) this ‘black sheep’, but with the degeneration of fidelity, exclusivity, monogamy, and sexual morality, Christians need to be reminded of God’s design for marriage and the proper expression of our sexuality. Looking forward to it.
— Ben · Mar 10, 04:31 AM · #
There is a young woman who is a friend of mine. She has accepted Christ as a child and still goes to church but she would go to the mall and pick up guys for “recreation”. When she told me this I though wow. We know that we all sin but the damage was done to her as a young girl being violated by someone she trusted. Now it has a side effect of sin that made her treat sex the way she did. I guess my question is who’s fault is it really? Yes she picked up guys for pleasure but because of the damage done to her as a young girl things got out of control. God knows it and I know she sought God to help her out but it was very difficult for her. When a person has been damaged physically or even emotionally. How do they get out of these circumstances? It is like when you want to do good evil is present.
— EDEN · May 24, 01:18 AM · #
Wow, Eden, that’s a really heavy situation.
It is a terrible sadness when sexual abuse of children happens, and we can see the damage done echoing throughout the child’s life.
It’s very difficult to do this topic justice in this type of forum, but the first step is for the young women concerned to want to change her behaviour. Without that step, everything else is theoretical.
If she does want to change, then the next step would be to seek professional counselling or therapy that would, over time, help her face some of the issues in her life that leads to this kind of behaviour.
There is nothing ‘anti-Christian’ or un-Christian about doing this (my wife is a trained Christian counsellor), and God can help her by working through professional help in exactly the same way He helps us through physical illness by working through doctors and other health professionals.
If she can find a good Christian counsellor or psychologist all the better.
And you, as her friend, can be a big part of any healing process too but prayerful and encouraging support
— NeilA · May 24, 04:56 AM · #
You know I have been so concerned about her because she never had therapy but it caused so much damage to her and she has gotten to the point that when things don’t work out for her she says ” I expect it anyway. Nothing good will happen for me.” As much as I complain about my life it makes me sad to hear her say this and she is really hurt. I will continue to pray for her though.
— EDEN · May 24, 05:05 AM · #
It is so sad when people reach that point Eden. You are certainly doing the right thing by praying for her, and you are clearly the sort of friend she needs!
Are you comfortable with the idea of reading the Bible with her?
If so, perhaps have a look through the Psalms, there are plenty there where the writer feels that things can’t get any worse, and yet they find that God is able and willing to reach down and touch their lives in a way that gives them real hope.
Perhaps you could read some of those together as an encouragement that no one is beyond God’s help.
God bless you as you support and care for your friend!
— NeilA · May 24, 05:15 AM · #
I have many girlfriends now that have confided in me that they were touched or molested growing up. I didn’t realize how many girls had been violated. What do we do with such a sin running around? Yes we pray but it is so sad when you have to even know these things.
— EDEN · May 25, 12:50 AM · #
You are not wrong Eden.
I’m a strong advocate for our denominations Child Protection Protocol. This was created in response to the devastating facts that emerged in the 90’s about how many children were abused in church care. That led to a much wider picture of the level of abuse that is occurring in the community in general.
So for the pass seven years or so we have had in place some strict regulations that govern our whole approach to children’s and youth ministries. This includes every paid and volunteer worker having to do a course and submit to a background check before they can work with kids.
It’s a terrible blight on our society, and one that churches should be leading the community in combating.
— NeilA · May 25, 05:45 AM · #
The most painful thing is that there are many children that will never tell and are damaged so badly by this type abuse. I know why they are silent. There is a level of embarrassment that comes with it. One of my friends told me her story and I cried because in her case it could have been prevented but he mother was in denial. She said she is fine now and God has allowed her to counsel abused women and pray with them. Still it really hurts me to know that these things exist.
— EDEN · May 26, 05:53 AM · #
This whole issue is such a powerful reminder of the potency of sin in our lives, Eden. It’s just awful, which is why my wife and I are so set on doing whatever we can to make sure that people are not abused through their involvement with our church.
— NeilA · May 26, 05:13 PM · #